The series of events which makes up the story which I am about to tell is incredibly depressing. It involves one small pathetic human being's search for meaning and purpose in the mundane world that constitutes the modern way of life – a small side note here: we often consider other times or places to be of more interest than our modern world when, in reality, were we to visit these times and places we would shortly tire of our new environment, and so perhaps it is not our modern life, but life in general which we really find boring- end of side note, we now continue your regular dose of anti-anti-depression medication. It could be said that this particular human's life has been a joke, except for one thing: there is nothing really funny about it. It is nothing more than a series of rather depressing events which may cause you to seek help from a professional therapist upon hearing. There is really nothing here to laugh at, unless you have some odd, perverted, and somewhat sadistic sense of humor. This story cannot rightly be described as a comedy in the classical sense. Without a major surprise turn of events which would ruin the perfect irony that is the only thing that makes this story worth telling, there is no possibility for a happy ending. But then again, wouldn't such an ending itself be the perfect irony? The entire story, told through one painful series of events after another, suddenly, becomes pointless.
And so the story begins...
Things were not always the way they are now. No, in the beginning there were no expectations. He, and those who knew him, had always seen him as a failure, and therefore, in a way, failure had become impossible. That is, for all practical purposes failure can be best defined as expectations not met; where there are no expectations there is no failure. If you had been around in the early twentieth century, and you had not flown the first practical fixed-wing aircraft no one would have cared, or indeed noticed. You would not have been considered a failure. If, on the other hand, the Wright brother's aircraft had not flown, that would have been considered a failure. Why? Isn't it bolder to attempt something than to sit around doing nothing all the time? The short answer is no. If you sit apathetically on your couch watching re-runs of 90's sitcoms on your TV no one considers you a failure. There may be a long list of other nasty things which could, and probably will be said about you, but, if the one calling you those things gives thought to it, “failure” will not be on that list. This is for the same reason that each and every one of us doesn't consider him or herself a failure for not coming up with a cure for cancer, yet if a scientist promises that he will find a cure for cancer, and then doesn't do so, we would say that he has failed in his attempt. So then, for the most part, there are two types of people: failures, and critics. In reality there is also a third group which is often labeled as the “successful” ones. However the vast majority of those in this group achieve their marvelous “success” by climbing on the backs of the “failures” and claiming the rewards of their efforts. They could therefore more accurately be described as parasites, and therefore do not belong to the classification of human beings.
But, to continue the “story” - which, by the way, is falsely so-called, as it is completely devoid of plot, subplot, theme, conflict, and any of the other things which make a story interesting - in the beginning there were no expectations. He had none for himself, and none were yet placed on him. He could have passed for an ordinary human being, in as far as there is really no such thing as an ordinary human being. To put it another way, he was a completely unexceptional human being. Looks: slightly below average. Build: less athletic than average. Intelligence: slightly higher than average. Ambitions: none. He was the type of person that, were aliens to visit our planet, and observe our race, they would probably ask themselves, “We traveled four-hundred light-years for that?”
To be fair, there are not many humans whom the aliens would not find to be incredibly disappointing. That exclusive group is occupied solely by Leonardo Da Vinci, Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Edison, and Douglas Adams. However, all of these being dead, they too would probably be a bit of a disappointment to any potential interplanetary visitors.
But, once again, back to the story of our one particular disappointment of a human being...
